The Adventures and Woes of Gregory Smit

Gaaah i'm so behind DX I'm supposed to be at 13,000+ but i'm only at 6200...

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After signing in, the two went to get something for dinner. Violet dragged a reluctant Gregory into a McDonalds, where she proceeded to order three cheeseburgers, a ceaser salad, and five of those strange yet oddly addicting apple pies. Gregory was too sick to his stomach to eat anything at all, merely drinking a small lemonade and slumping into the plastic seat.

“What are you so worried about?” Violet asked, through a mouthful burger.

“I am beginning to regret my decision…this is insane,” groaned Gregory, rubbing his eyes tiredly. Violet flashed a hundred watt smile.

“Of course it’s insane,” she explained, “That’s what makes it so fun!”

“That’s not what I mean,” Gregory sadly whimpered. He took a sip from his lemonade and then continued, “I’m not cut out for this adventure stuff. I should leave it to the superheroes in movies. It’s been months since I’ve even left the house! This is so illogical…”

“NO!” shouted Violet, silencing the fast food restaurant. She stood with passion, shaking a fist at the ceiling, “BEGONE FOUL LOGIC, FOR YEA HAVE NO BUSINESS HERE!”

Gregory gently took her arm and pulled her out of the McDonalds, slinging the duffle bag over his shoulder and allowing Violet to snatch up her leftover food.. He distracted her with a pack of gum and led her to the security lines. Deep down, however, he knew that Violet was right. He had no time for logic. Isn’t this what he had always wanted? Hadn’t he dreamed of traveling the world as a young man? And at last! Here was his chance!

Newly motivated, Gregory, for the first time that day, smiled brightly. Violet did not fail to notice this fact, clapping happily.

“Well done, Uncle Smit!” she laughed, patting him on the back. Gregory gave her an odd look.

“Uncle?” he asked dubiously, but Violet had already moved on to greater things (aka, smelling a random woman’s hair).

“Uncle Smit…” he murmured to himself. He had always wanted a niece or nephew. The smile returned and remained until even after the security check, hours wait, and multiple bathroom breaks. Even after the tedious boarding ritual and finding of seats amongst a sea of heads, the genuine smile was planted on Gregory’s face.

“Oooh!” murmured Violet. She had Gregory’s duffle bag in her lap, and had pulled out the small but thick blue handbook. Holding it into her mouth, she zipped up the duffle bag and placed it in the overhead luggage racks. Swinging into the seat like a hyperactive four year old, she buckled in, and then observed the book. Although the spine now sported and half circle of teeth marks, the title could still clearly be read in gold lettering.

The Mailman’s Guide to Delivering Mail.

Gregory blinked, re-reading the title. Why in the world would that have been in the vault?

Violet was unfazed, an euphoric smile on her fast. She opened the book, flipping through the thin pages past the copyright and title pages, until she reached the introduction. Sitting back, she began to read out softy aloud.

A Mailman’s job is perhaps the most important of all. Even more so then police men or CIA agents. Mailmen (or women, though for the purpose of space and speedy typing, we will refer to them as men) are entrusted with the important job of delivering information to people all over the world. We are also trusted with a top secret mission that will only be described vocally (see your head of information for more). Indeed, few realize that without Mailmen, our world could very well crumble to the ends of the earths.

Although email is becoming more and more popular, computers cannot be trusted as a human can. I applaud you for choosing this profession. Indeed, you must have a large amount of bravery, and for that, you will be great.

This book is filled with helpful information tidbits that will help you with your tasks. From Aardvark reviving techniques to how tto avoid a Zyzzyva attack, I am sure that this book will prove to attend to your needs greatly.

I urge you to either memorize the entire contents of this booklet, or merely take it everywhere you go. One can never be sure that a roguish gang of pirates - yes, they do exist - won’t pounce upon you during your route to the Williston’s house. This book is your friend, and you must treat it as such.

Enjoy this book.

Never look back.

And don’t forget to eat your Brussels sprouts.

Henry F.

Head of M.A.L.F

As Violet was finishing the short intro, the plane began to take off.

“Wonderful!” she breathed blissfully, “This is amazing stuff!” Gregory was too busy clenching the sides of his seat to answer. He had begun to sweat again, and was breathing heavily. Luckily, the flight attendant soon strolled down, offering drinks and pretzels.

“Anything from the cart sir?” she asked him kindly, noticing his uneasiness.

“Ah…I don’t suppose you have Earl Grey tea?” he asked hopefully. To his immense delight she nodded, pouring hot water in a cup and placing a tea bag in it. The lid was clicked on and the beverage handed to Gregory’s waiting hands. He gave a sigh of content as the steam swirled up to envelope his face. Violet sipped her coke as she continued to read the little book, pulling a squashed cheeseburger from her trench coat and adding that to her meal.

After a moment of cooling down the beverage, Gregory took a sip, and was immediately hit with an overwhelming smack of homesickness. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine that he was back home, sitting in the folds of Hal and listening to the robins chatter. For a second, the former sense of purpose and elation was replaced instead by a damp heavy blanket of hopelessness and foolishness.

But soon, he swallowed those feelings down. He was here now, and there was no going back. For better or for worst, he was going to Egypt, with a girl he had just met that morning. It was also reasonable to say that he may be being followed. Gregory sighed heavily.

He wished he had remembered to pack his sunscreen.